Jess Thoughts

Diary — April 30

I’ve been on the phone with Jaime for hours tonight. Poor guy—his ear must be ringing. I just unloaded everything on him about what’s been happening at work, every detail, every frustration, all of it. And he just listened. Really listened. No interruptions, no rushing me to a solution, no trying to fix it before I was ready. That patience of his… it’s something I don’t take for granted anymore. Every time something like this happens, he proves to me again why he feels right for me. Solid. Steady. Grounded in a way that doesn’t shift.

After I finally took a breath, he asked me something simple—if I wanted a suggestion. He didn’t push, didn’t assume, just asked. Of course I said yes. I wanted to know what to do, even though deep down I already had a feeling.

He told me what I already knew.

Get out.

No need to stay and deal with the mud and the muck of a place that’s sick. He said if I stayed, eventually I’d become part of it. I’d start accepting what they accept, slowly changing who I am, and at some point I’d start choosing money over my morals. Hearing him say it out loud hit me harder than I expected, because he was right. It was like he could see straight through me. He could see that I had already started considering things I shouldn’t—like those “innocent” business lunches the executives had been suggesting. I never told him that. I didn’t have to. I didn’t say it because somewhere inside, I already knew it wasn’t right.

This whole situation at work, as ridiculous as it felt, opened my eyes.

So I made a decision.

I’m leaving.

I have the part-time opportunity with the engineering consulting company, and I have a friend who lives near their office. She told me I can stay with her. It won’t be easy, but it feels clean. It feels right. It feels like I’m choosing something better, even if it’s harder.

Jaime will have to come see me now. It’ll be harder for me to travel with everything going on, and the nearest airport isn’t as convenient. When I told him, he didn’t hesitate. He said of course he would. As long as I was out of there and at peace with myself, that’s all that mattered.

I’ve been packing tonight. It’s 4:00 a.m. as I write this, boxes half-filled, clothes everywhere, and somehow I feel more clear than I have in weeks.

I gave my notice to HR today. No two weeks. I’m just leaving. They asked why, of course, and I told them. They gave me the standard responses—that they care, that they’ll address it, that they’ll talk to the people involved. Then they said something that made everything even clearer. That those “business lunch” invitations should be seen as a path to a great career, but I didn’t have to accept them if I didn’t feel comfortable.

I told them I refuse all of it.

That path isn’t for me.

I’m not interested in climbing a ladder that requires me to become someone I don’t want to be.

Jaime is coming later today to help me move out. I can’t wait to see him. It’s funny—when I wear my heels, especially the tall ones, I tower over him. It should feel awkward, but it doesn’t. He jokes that I look like a power forward on a basketball team, and maybe at 6’3” in heels, I do compared to his 5’8”.

But he never makes it an issue.

That’s what I love about him. There’s no ego, no insecurity, no need to compensate. He treats me exactly how I want to be treated. He sees me—not as a body, not as an image, not as something to show off—but as me.

And I love the way he looks at me.

It makes everything else feel small.